A Tribute to my 4th Language ENGLISH ... Humorous Speech

A Tribute  to my 4^th language  - English

At the tender age of 5, I have visited an international Airport with my mother and she showed me Boeing 747. I could not resist and started shouting Boeing … Boeing….. Boeing … My mother said in ENGLISH … “be silent” .. so I paused for a moment and started shouting … Oeing…. Oeing….. Oeing

Good Evening Toastmasters / Friends and TMOD / Contest Chair.

I cannot understand , write or even talk English because English is my 4^th language … and I only know 4 languages.

From Childhood I never understood Why T.O is pronounced as TO and G.O is pronounced in different manner … Why B.U.T. is BUT but P.U.T is PUT and not PUT ( Pronounce as BUT).

I still do not understand the importance of Silent Alphabets in a word many English words…..i.e psychology, pneumonia etc. Take a spelling test and ask how to write Czechoslovakia and many English Natives will be clean bold.

The more I tried mastering the English language the more I got Humiliated in real life.

Once I was explaining a Financial Planning concept to a prospect in Hindi and just to impress I conclude the meeting in English… Go home have BRAIN WASHING session with your wife and then we will meet…. The prospect looked at me and corrected it is BRAIN STORMING and not BRAIN WASHING.

Recently I went to Switzerland and roaming around in the streets. We saw a beautiful DOG and To impress our group I asked in English … “What BRAND of DOG is this?”… Everyone laughed I could not understood why till my Boss corrected me by saying its “BREED of DOG”.

Meaning of Sentences can be changed if not Pronounced correctly.

Few years back a cousin visited my house from USA and he wanted to go for City tour. So he asked Aadil how about using a Taxi services for a City Tour ?

And to impress them I said in English, No Taxi service in our City is very EROTIC …. The actual word was ERRATIC.  ( not good )

I remember doing a ppt seminar on Financial Planning and the slide was to read  “Lets us all SHIFT from YOUTH to OLD AGE”. Without turning my back I changed the slide with pointer and there was a Roar of laughter and I could not understand unless I turned back and saw that I missed the letter F in SHIFT. Audience read it like ,,,, “Let us S.H.I.T ( Not to say ) from  YOUTH to OLD AGE”.  Importance of single letter !!!!

To improve my English I have attended Toastmasters meeting and which happens to be a competition meeting. I saw a Masters of Ceremony (MC) is addressed / called as Contest CHAIR, I asked fellow TM …why it is called as CONTEST CHAIR and NOT any other FURNITURE …. he said …may be because he remains SEATED while the speech is ON.

I thanked GOD that MC is not called as Contest BED or PILLOW. Otherwise he/she would be DOZING OFF while speech is ON. 

Finally, I joined TM club and just after 3 meetings I got a call from VP Education and he said you are a GRAMMARIAN in the next meeting and since the THEME of the meeting is HUMOUR you put a little bit of humor while performing a role of GRAMMARIAN.

I said him “Me becoming a Grammarian … is itself the biggest Humour of the day”.

I did perform the role to the best of my ability. But rather than finding a Grammatical  Mistakes  I have started making grammatical mistakes. Thanks that no one was there to correct my GRAMMER except General Evaluator.

15 guests run away and never registered or seen in our club again because of my GRAMMAR. The GE commented that in her 10 yrs of TM Experience not even a  single time she has seen a Humorous Grammarian. I don’t know whether it was a compliment or an EVALUATION with SANDWICH or OREO method.

Today I will come to know after the results.

I am sure one day TOASTMASTERS will help me quenching my thirst for improving my ENGLISH.

Can someone lock the door  till the time guest registers.

Over to Contest Chair